Under Alien Skies 4, Book of Knowledge
by Alec Star
Summary: The first draft of the guidelines Daniel and Sam have been working on is finally ready. Fourth story in the 'Under Alien Skies' series.
1. Chapter 1: A Painful Read

Disclaimer: I don't own the concepts, I don't own the characters, I make no money, I make no sense and I get no sleep, though on a positive note I absolutely love feedback (in other words, please review).

Warning: this story is a sequel to **_Under Alien Skies - Propagation_**, if you've read that story you know what this is about, if you haven't this probably won't make much sense. You should also be warned that this story deals with adult issues including rape.

Rating: M

Timeline: this takes place roughly two weeks after **_Propagation_**.

**_Under Alien Skies - Book of Knowledge  
_**Chapter 1: A Painful Read  
(Hammond's POV)

Okay, so this is not exactly what I had been expecting to find when I sat down to review the first draft of the guidelines Dr. Jackson and Captain Carter have put together. Sure, I had been expecting **_some _**unpleasantness --that was pretty much a given considering the subject matter-- but somehow they've managed to exceed my expectations... and they've also made me realize that I **_really_** have to have a little chat with Dr. Fraiser.

The thing is that just as I was beginning to think we were ready to move past this whole Simarka business --as I was getting ready to send SG-1 back out there where they belong-- a new dimension has been added to this mess and that means I'm back to square one. Right now I find myself facing the need to fill Jack in on some of the details that were deliberately kept from me and I know he is **_not_** going to be a happy camper. This time around, though, I think I'll leave him to deal with Captain Carter on his own, especially because I'm going to have my hands full with Dr. Fraiser. I mean, what could that woman possibly have been thinking, keeping something like this from me in the first place?

For a moment I try to tell myself that maybe it wasn't deliberate, that maybe it was just a misunderstanding --even if I can't quite imagine how something of this magnitude could possibly have fallen through the cracks-- but it only takes me half a minute to replay our conversation in my mind and before I know it I'm seeing red... **_again_**.

Back when this whole thing first came out I asked her point blank how the hell do you circumcise a woman and she told me I didn't want to know.

Well, maybe she was right about that, maybe I didn't **_want_** to know --heck, even now I'd be a lot happier not knowing-- but the fact remains that I **_needed_** to know... and even if I didn't **_need_** to know, reading the very thorough description Captain Carter and Dr. Jackson have provided was **_not_** the best way for me to find out about it. Right now I'm struggling to keep my breakfast down and I'm pretty damned close to losing that fight. What can I say, this whole thing would have been difficult enough for me to swallow **_without_** a name and a face that came too close for comfort to being associated with this monstrosity.

In fact right now I could really use a drink to try to get rid of some of the mental images, unfortunately I know that's not an option. That means I have no choice but to face this one sober and maybe that's a good thing seeing how --if I'm going to figure out a way to keep Jack from doing something stupid here-- I'm going to need a clear head.

What can I say? That is yet **_another_** conversation I'm **_not_** looking forward to.

Sure, I know that, as Captain Carter's CO, Jack needs to know --and I know it is my responsibility to tell him-- but I also know he will feel more than a little betrayed. In addition to that there's also the fact that he is going to have no choice but to confront her **_somehow_** and that is not going to be pretty ... unfortunately it can't really be avoided. If SG-1 is going to survive as a team then they are going to have to overcome this. It is as 'simple' as that.

The problem is that I know my 2IC and I know how he is likely to react. He may not have been particularly thrilled when I first assigned Captain Carter to his team but a lot has changed since then and, even if it hadn't, Jack has a protective streak a mile wide. I saw it when Col. Kennedy wanted to 'study' Teal'c and that was long before the team had had a chance to bond. That means that things are bound to be much worse this time around and the rest of us will have no choice but to deal with the fallout.

Of course, as if that weren't enough, there's also the fact that Sam is not going to put up with that kind of treatment, not if she can possibly avoid it. For her it is a matter of principle --especially now-- and that can only mean trouble... lots and lots of trouble. Simply put, having an overprotective team leader acting like a good, old-fashioned mother hen who is desperately trying to protect a 2IC who is determined to prove that she doesn't have to be protected is a recipe for disaster and --oh joy-- that's **_exactly_** what we have here.

Well, I guess the good news --if I can even call it that-- is that solving that particular situation is **_not_** going to be up to me. I just have to deal with Dr. Fraiser and **_that_** is going to be more than enough... especially because I don't really know what am I supposed to do about any of this.

The simple fact is that she deliberately misled me and that is something that can't be overlooked. Sure, I know part of it was my fault, after all, if I hadn't allowed Dr. Fraiser to brush aside my questions this whole thing would have been dealt with two weeks ago, but that does nothing to change the fact that this delay has only made matters worse.

Well, there's nothing I can do about it now so I send word for Colonel O'Neill to report to my office as I steel myself to face what is likely to be a **_very_** long day.

* * *

**_Author's notes_**: Hi guys, okay first of all I want to apologize for the delay, I meant to post this last week but real life (and the flu) got in the way. I'll try to do better next week but I must confess that right now I'm playing catch up in terms of my writing.

Anyway, I hope you'll stick with me (and if you feed me some reviews I'll really appreciate it),

Alec


	2. Chapter 2: Truths in Black and White

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 2: Truths in Black and White  
(Jack's POV)

I wonder what the general wants. I mean, I'm more than grateful for any opportunity to get away from the paperwork he's determined to have me catch up with, but the fact remains that he was determined, my team is still on stand down and I don't think the general would give me an easy way out without a damned good reason. In other words, this means trouble and I know it, now all that's left for me to do is to figure out how much trouble, though --given the circumstances-- chances are it's more than a little. Simply put, I don't think the general would have given me even a temporary reprieve from my paperwork hell otherwise.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" I ask as soon as I walk into his office.

"Have a seat, Jack," says the general and the fact that he is using my first name, combined with the fact that he is looking more than a little nervous is enough to confirm my suspicions. Whatever this is about, it is not going to be good. Knowing that the ostrich approach is not likely to get me anywhere I swallow hard and do as I'm told.

"Do you remember what happened in Simarka?" he asks and I can't help but cringe.

"With all due respect, sir, I don't think I'm going to be forgetting about that particular mission any time soon," I say, already not liking where this is going.

"Well, son, I don't know how to say this but it seems things were even worse than we were originally led to believe."

"Sir?" I ask, wondering what more could there be. I mean, what I know is bad enough!

"You see, I've just received a copy of the first draft of a series of guidelines and background info I had asked Dr. Jackson and Captain Carter to put together and I'm afraid something new has come up."

"Guidelines?" I ask, not quite knowing what **_that_** could be about.

"Yes, you see, son, when the details of the Simarka mission first came to light, one of my primary concerns was the safety of female SG team members when it comes to their interaction with other cultures. Let's face it, the truth is that, given how most ancient civilizations viewed women, this situation was something that should have been foreseen. To help us get a better idea of just what we may find out there --and in an attempt to prevent another incident such as this-- Dr. Jackson and Captain Carter have been working on a series of guidelines intended to help SG teams recognize, avoid and if necessary defuse these kinds of situations," explains the general.

"Avoid them how?" I ask, even though what I'd really like to know is what do these guidelines have to do with whatever it is that the general wanted to tell me.

"Well, the original idea was to combine a quick introduction to how women have been perceived throughout history with a few basic guidelines in terms of field anthropology that Dr. Jackson felt might be better suited for the kind of situations we are likely to encounter than the military approach. Anyway, as I said, earlier today I was reading the first draft and that brought some things to my attention, things I think you should know as Captain Carter's CO."

"What do you mean, sir?"

"Back when she told me what had happened, Dr. Fraiser mentioned that Turghan had issued some threats. At the time I didn't really understand their significance... now I do," he says, not quite meeting my eyes.

"Threats?" I repeat, not really knowing what else to say.

"Here, I'd suggest you read section four, pages thirty-two to forty-six," says the general, handing me a very thick folder as he gets up. "I'll be waiting outside."

At that he leaves me alone and I open the folder with as much confidence as I would reach for a venomous snake, knowing that whatever it is that is written on those pages, it is not going to be good... in fact --going by the general's reaction-- chances are it's going to be very, **_very_** bad. Still, knowing that whatever it is chances are it is important, I gather my courage and turn to the pages in question.

Fifteen minutes later I'm feeling literally sick... that and I also have a very strong urge to break something, or someone... preferably Turghan but unfortunately the bastard is on a different planet and out of my reach. That realization **_doesn't_** help my mood, not one bit.

I hear rather than see General Hammond walk back into the office and I try to get my emotions under control, with **_try_** being the operative word.

"Why wasn't I told about any of this?" I growl, knowing I'm **_way _**out of line here but not particularly caring.

"Well, son, I'm afraid that is partly my fault," admits the general.

"What do you mean it was your fault, sir?" I asked, shocked by that response.

"You see, when Dr. Fraiser filled me in on what had happened on Simarka she mentioned that Turghan had threatened to have Captain Carter circumcised. I asked her how the hell do you circumcise a woman and she basically told me I didn't want to know. I realize now that I should have pushed the issue but unfortunately I let it drop, not wanting to be distracted from what I believed was the main issue. I discovered my mistake earlier today," he explains.

"So what am I supposed to do now?" I ask, feeling totally out of my depth.

"I don't know, son. I know this is not an easy thing to come to terms with but I suggest you work things out with your team."

"Daniel knew... all along the little bastard knew and he didn't say anything," I say, feeling more than a little betrayed by the realization.

"Yes, as did Dr. Fraiser. I'm going to be having a **_very_** long talk with her as soon as I can."

"Well, sir, with all due respect, I have to say that between Daniel and Janet you got the best deal."

"How so?"

"She is shorter, that means the body is going to be easier to hide," I grumble, wondering what am I supposed to do here. I may be able to understand **_why_** Carter didn't say anything about any of this but Daniel is a different matter and we are going to be having a **_very_** serious conversation. I need to be able to trust my team and he has to understand that he just can't keep something like this from me. Heck, we **_all_** have to do a better job at trusting each other and somehow I'm going to have to knock that into that stubborn head of his. He may have been trying to protect Carter but the fact is that in this line of work what we don't know can kill us --literally-- and I'm not sure he understands that.


	3. Chapter 3: Song and Dance

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 3: Song and Dance  
(Janet's POV)

As soon as I walk into General Hammond's office I realize what this is about. Sitting on his desk is the draft of Sam and Daniel's guidelines and I can't help but cringe as I think of what is to come. I guess that was my mistake: I didn't realize that as soon as those guidelines were ready I'd find myself in some **_very_** hot water. Well, there's nothing I can do about it now but face the music... that and do some serious tap dancing.

"Dr. Fraiser, do you know why I called you?"

"Yes, sir."

"So, care to tell me what on earth were you thinking when you decided to keep something of this magnitude from me?" asks the general and I know better than to pretend I don't know what he's referring to.

"At the time I felt there were more immediate concerns in terms of dealing with Captain Carter's situation and then the subject never came up again, sir," I say, even though I know that explanation doesn't even qualify as a half-truth.

"It never 'came up'? And the thought of mentioning it never crossed your mind?" he growls.

"It was a threat, sir. A serious one, undoubtedly, but at the time I figured our top priority had to be to help Sam cope with what had happened rather than with what **_might _**have happened," I point out, hoping against hope to keep this conversation away from the issue of whether or not it's safe for women to be assigned to SG teams in the first place.

"Yes, well, this goes a lot further than just Captain Carter, doesn't it?" he asks and I realize that we are going to have no choice but to go over this... **_again_**.

"With all due respect, sir, that threat has been there all along, the only difference is that now we know about it."

"And we are damned well going to do something to keep it from becoming more than just a threat!"

"Sir?"

"The risks are just too great, doctor."

"Sir, I realize that ours is a dangerous job, but all the reasons to have women assigned to SG teams still remain. That's what those guidelines are about: they are about helping us understand the risks, not hide from them."

"Is that what you are going to tell one of your patients when something like this becomes more than just a threat? That the risks were worth it and even necessary?" he challenges.

"No, sir," I concede.

"Then?"

"I don't know. I admit there are no easy answers and there are bound to be some major consequences no matter what we do. To keep women from SG teams, to deny them that opportunity because of their gender would be unfair but at the same time there's no denying that the risks are serious and they have a right to be aware of them. That is one of the things I think Daniel had in mind when he suggested those guidelines in the first place: to allow women to make their own decisions. After all, they are the ones in danger so it should be up to them to make that call."

"You mean to tell me you planned this from the start?" asks the general and I realize that this is **_not_** going as expected.

"No, sir. The guidelines were originally Daniel's idea but I do think they can work. Women have a right to know what kind of risks they are likely to face out there and they should have a right to refuse to join an SG team if they feel those risks are too great but at the same time that should remain **_their_** call. In addition to that there's also the fact that we don't know whether or not Simarka was an isolated instance, we don't know if this practice is widespread and that means we don't even know how justified our concerns really are. Personally I believe that banning women from off-world travel based on a single incident --no matter how unpleasant-- would be excessive, especially considering that in the seven months since Simarka there have been no other incidents of this nature."

"So you think that just because we've been lucky up until now we should keep taking our chances?"

"No, sir, with all due respect what I think is that there is no 'us' here. I think it should be an individual decision. I think making it a matter of policy would be too restrictive and it could come back to haunt us in those instances in which a woman's presence is actually required. From what we've seen so far, SG teams must be capable of dealing with all kinds of different cultures and situations and that means they need as much flexibility as they can get. Given the nature of the work we do here we need fewer regulations, not more of them. We need to be able to cut through the red tape in order to be able to deal with different situations effectively, I think you know that," I say before going on.

"The way I see it, right now we have a good balance. We have a situation in which --for the most part-- no one can be **_ordered_** to join an SG team but at the same time no one is barred from joining one if they are qualified to do so. I am all for providing potential team members all the facts they need to make an informed decision without sugarcoating the risks, however I don't think it should be up to us to make that decision on their behalf."

"And would you join an SG team, knowing what you know, if you had a chance to do so?"

"Yes, sir," I say without hesitating.

"And what about Cassandra? Would you allow your daughter to join a first contact team?"

"Well, sir, she is a little young," I point out.

"That is not what I meant, doctor."

"I know, sir, but the thing is that she is too young to fully understand the dangers she'd be facing and that means she is in no position to make an informed decision. That is precisely my point."

"But if she were old enough."

"Then I would respect her choice... and she wouldn't need my approval anyway."

"And Captain Carter?"

"What about her?"

"Do you think it is reasonable for us to ask her to keep facing those dangers time and time again?"

"Well, sir, with all due respect, that is **_exactly_** what I'm trying to say here: we are not asking her to. She could have requested to be reassigned after Simarka but she didn't. It is her choice to be out there and I don't think there's **_anyone_** in this facility who is in a better position to understand just how real the dangers are and those dangers **_haven't_** stopped her... in fact they haven't even slowed her down," I say, hoping to prove my point once and for all.


	4. Chapter 4: The Right to Choose

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 4: The Right to Choose  
(Daniel's POV)

The moment I see Jack's face I realize that there's something wrong, **_very_** wrong. I know that look and I know it's a look that is usually reserved for the likes of Apophis. That is not a good thing. The problem is that I am essentially trapped here. Jack is blocking the only exit and that means that whatever this is about I'm going to have no choice but to deal with it.

"Jack," I say by way of greeting but I can't quite manage to keep my voice steady.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks and I wonder what on earth he is talking about.

"Tell you what?"

"You know perfectly well what I mean, Daniel, so don't you dare try to play the fool here," he growls.

"Actually, I don't know what you mean, that's why I'm asking," I say, growing increasingly frustrated even as I try to figure out what **_it_** is that Jack thinks I should have told him about.

"About Turghan."

"Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we have this conversation a couple of weeks ago?" I ask, feeling more and more puzzled by the second.

"Actually a couple of weeks ago would have been a good chance for you to tell me," he points out, though that still doesn't tell **_me_** anything.

"Tell you what?"

"What he threatened to do to Carter," he growls and I suddenly realize that by submitting those guidelines to the general, Sam and I have accidentally filled in some gaps we **_never_** intended to fill. Simply put, if Jack knows then the general knows and I have to figure out a way to warn her but I can't do it, not with Jack glaring at me as if I were personally responsible for what happened.

"How was I supposed to know you didn't know?" I say, desperately trying to bluff my way out of this one, even though I realize that **_that_** is not likely to get me very far.

"Well, maybe the fact that I never mentioned it could have been a clue... believe me, it is not something I would have let slide if I had known."

"Oh, it isn't? Then why don't you mention it now?" I challenge, knowing all too well that he won't.

"Because you already know what I'm talking about."

"Humor me."

"Daniel..." he growls.

"What?"

"You know what."

"Yes, I do and so do you, so?"

"Is that all you have to say for yourself?"

"What more do you want me to say?"

"How about you start explaining **_why_** you didn't say anything?"

"Because I didn't want to make things any more awkward for Sam than they were already going to be!"

"And I had a right to know!"

"Really? Why?"

"Because I'm her CO, because as long as she is a member of **_my_** team not only is she under **_my_** command but she is also **_my_** responsibility. If there's a threat I have a right to know about it!"

"Yes, well, there was a threat... almost eight months ago! It's not like you can protect her from the past!" I all but yell at him.

"But it's not just the past, is it? Your guidelines were pretty clear, 'this practice dates back to Ancient Egypt and it may well have traveled with the Goa'uld', that's what you wrote and you know there's no **_may have_** involved. Unless the Mongols and the Egyptians were a hell of a lot closer than anyone ever knew, the practice **_did_** travel!"

"So what are you going to do about it? How do you intend to 'protect' Sam without hurting her, without denying her the right to do what she loves?" I challenge.

"I don't know, okay? But I sure as hell am going to be paying more attention!"

"To what? To the possibility of her being abducted again? Even before we knew the details of what had happened in Simarka you had already made up your mind that we would never allow them to segregate Sam again, that if we were ever to come across another society that was openly hostile toward women we would return to the SGC immediately and go back with an all male team so this changes nothing. Other than that the only thing I can tell you is what I told General Hammond two weeks ago: the Shavadai were a different culture, not a hostile one, and as long as we are **_not_** dealing with a hostile society common sense should be enough to keep Sam safe... and if we were to come across a hostile society then we would find ourselves having to fight our way out anyway. In that regard you know that in a fight Sam can hold her own a lot better than I can. What happened in Simarka was an aberration, one that stemmed from a mistake... from **_my_** mistake. We know better now so there's no need for you to panic."

"That's easy for you to say, Carter's not your responsibility!"

"No, she's not my **_responsibility_**, she is my **_friend_**... and even though you are in charge of SG-1 **_I'm_** the one who's supposed to be the first contact specialist here. In other words, **_no_**, it's not easy for me to say that we should just let this go. I have to live with the knowledge that what happened in Simarka was mostly my fault but the thing is that I also know the decision of whether or not Sam goes through the gate is not ours to make and we have no right to hurt her for **_our_** peace of mind... I don't care **_what_** the regs say."

"So you are saying that if something like this were to happen again you'd be just fine with it?" asks Jack.

"No. If something like this were to happen again I would never forgive myself and that means I'm going to do everything within my power to keep Sam safe but I draw the line at doing it at Sam's expense," I say. "Tell me something, Jack, if your positions were reversed, how would you feel about **_her_** having the right to make that kind of decision on your behalf? Would you like **_her_** to hold **_your_** future in **_her_** hands because of your gender? Yes, there are risks out there that are likely to be faced primarily by women and we can't close our eyes to that fact but if we were to deny women the right to make up their own minds about what they can and cannot handle we would be no better than the Shavadai!"

"Okay, so maybe you have a point there and you are right, I wouldn't like the idea of anyone having that kind of control over me but..."

"No buts about it," I interrupt him. "You know that if you were in her position you would **_demand_** the right to make your own choices... and if you had been in her position back when we came back from Simarka you would have made the exact same choices Sam made."

"Fine, but that doesn't change the fact that you **_can't_** keep things from me just because you are afraid you are not going to like what I have to say about them. You may have a point about Carter having a right to choose here but I must warn you that one more stunt like this and you are the one who is going to find himself out of SG-1."

"But..."

"That's not open for debate, Daniel. We have to be able to trust each other, otherwise we won't be able to function as a team and we'll wind up dead. That means that this is your only warning. I can't afford to waste my time in the field wondering whether or not you are being honest with me, wondering whether or not you are withholding something that might get us all killed and what that something might be."

"I'm sorry, and I'll try to do better in the future but you've got to remember that these were exceptional circumstances," I remind him. "I didn't find out about it until seven months after the fact and by then the information wasn't exactly time-sensitive... in fact, as far as I'm concerned, by that time it was nobody's business but Sam's. It's not like it was a situation in which you needed all the facts to make a split second decision."

"And that's the reason I'm giving you a second chance here but that doesn't change the fact that you've got to let me do my job here. A team can't have two captains, Daniel."

"Actually, Jack, last time I checked, Sam was the only captain in our team," I say, trying desperately to defuse the situation.


	5. Chapter 5: When the Facts Can No Longer

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 5: When Facts Can No Longer Be Denied  
(Daniel's POV)

As soon as I manage to escape Jack's claws --almost literally-- I all but run toward Sam's lab. To say that this is a mess would be a major understatement, however that doesn't mean there's no room for damage control here and the least I can do is make sure Sam knows what's coming her way. Having Jack catch her unawares would be the worst possible scenario and I know it.

"Daniel, what is it?"

"They know," I say.

"Who knows what?"

"Jack and the general... they've read the guidelines."

"Oh," she says, sitting on one of the stools and looking rather pale.

"Yes, oh," I confirm, all too aware that we really should have foreseen this.

"So, what are we going to do?" she asks.

"Well, there's not much we **_can_** do, not now," I reluctantly admit. "The good news is that right now I think they are too busy being mad at Janet and me to confront you, but somehow I don't think that's going to last."

"In other words, I can expect the colonel to drop by any minute now?"

"I'm afraid so," I say, knowing how much Sam **_isn't _**looking forward to that encounter. "The bad news is that when I talked to him Jack sounded anything but happy, the good news is that it's not you he's mad at... he sounded more overprotective than anything else."

"You know, that's not much comfort under the circumstances... in fact I think I'd rather have him angry. **_That_** I can deal with but this..."

"What are you so worried about?"

"The same thing I've been worried about for the past eight months: the possibility that someone will decide to ban women from SG teams for 'their own safety'."

"Well, I don't think that's going to happen... or at least it didn't sound like that option was on the table when I talked to Jack a few minutes ago, though I think I may be on probation," I admit.

"You?" asks Sam, sounding more than a little surprised.

"Something about Jack having to know he can trust me," I explain, shrugging my shoulders as I try to balance the need to distract Sam from Jack's overprotective rampage with the need **_not _**to have her needlessly worrying about me.

"I'm sorry," she says.

"Sorry? Why would you be sorry?" I ask.

"Because he's mad because you were covering for me."

"Yes, well, that was **_my_** decision and I don't regret it. Besides, I think Jack is overreacting," I say, trying to reassure her.

"Maybe, but the bottom line is that you are still in trouble and it is my fault," she insists.

"Yes, I'm in trouble, but I don't think it's all that serious, not really. I think right now Jack just needs someone to blame and seeing how Turghan isn't available I make a convenient target. He'll get over it... eventually."

"And what about Janet?"

"I don't know," I admit, "but I don't think there's anything they can do against her either. After all, she **_did_** tell General Hammond about Turghan's threats and, let's face it, she's not exactly replaceable. The general knows this and that means she's safe. Besides, how many doctors do you know who could take what goes on in this place in their stride?"

"Counting Janet? One," says Sam with a smile.

"Exactly."

"And what about you?"

"Well, Jack is kind of mad at me, we've already established that, but the one who filled the general in was Janet and I can't be blamed for her omissions so I should be safe. Besides, the fact that I'm not military also gives me a bit of leeway when it comes to following procedure... or **_not_** following procedure as the case might be."

"In other words, you are confident that both you and Janet are safe because they would have a pretty hard time trying to find someone to replace either of you?"

"In a nutshell. I mean, let's face it, even now my department is the most seriously understaffed in the whole mountain and that is **_not_** a matter of choice. It's not that there's no will to recruit any more people for it, it's just that finding anyone with the necessary skills is all but impossible, and when the security clearance is added on top of that, well..." I trail off.

"So you are still struggling with that?" asks Sam and I have to fight to keep a smile off my face as I realize that I've managed to distract her, at least for the time being.

"Yes. The simple fact is that there aren't all that many linguist/anthropologist/archeologists to begin with and most of those have no ties to the military so I'm stuck. Sure, it is not unusual to have two out of three in any possible combination but three out of three is a different matter... and this job definitely requires all three of them. You need the languages, you need the ability to deal with a living, breathing culture and you need the knowledge of ancient civilizations, not to mention that you need the flexibility to adapt information from one field to another."

"I guess I'd never really seen it from that perspective."

"Well, it's not so bad and people who have experience in two of those fields **_can_** help, but they need someone to coordinate their work. That and --for the most part-- they need to work in teams of two to cover their blind spots."

"And that means they can't get rid of the guy who is in charge of making sure those teams don't miss anything?"

"Exactly."

"You know I still don't like the idea of you being in trouble because of me, don't you? I mean, I understand what you are saying about their not being able to fire you and I agree chances are the colonel is bluffing when he says you are on probation but I don't like the idea that you may end up losing his trust because of me. I know how much his friendship means to you," says Sam... so much for keeping her distracted.

"We'll get over it," I say.

"I know you will, but this whole thing has turned into such a mess. I never wanted this to happen. I just wanted to forget!"

"And no one is blaming you for that," I reassure her.

"**_I'm_** blaming me. I let you cover for me, I'm the one who didn't come forward and I'm the one who's still keeping secrets and jeopardizing the team," she insists.

"Sam, is there something you still haven't told us?" I ask, growing suddenly worried.

"No, but I'm still putting off telling Teal'c about any of this, even though I know I'm going to have no choice but to fill him in sooner or later."

"Are you sure you are ready to do that?" I ask, focusing on what she **_isn't_** saying.

"Truth? Not really, I just know I don't have much of a choice here. Whether I like it or not I think the time has come for me to admit the fact that we won't be able to move forward as a team until I come clean and what's happened today just proves it. I may be reluctant to tell Teal'c about any of this but I know I'm going to have to do it sooner or later and --even though there is a part of me that would really love to keep putting it off for as long as I can,--I know that that would probably only end up making matters worse... not to mention that it would almost certainly lead to a situation in which I can't control the moment in which I tell him. That is the risk I can't afford to take and I know it, even if I don't want to acknowledge it."


	6. Chapter 6: Of Heads Buried in the Sand

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 6: Of Heads Buried in the Sand  
(Sam's POV)

I have to admit that by the time the colonel walks into my lab I am almost relieved by that fact. I have been trying to go over different scenarios of what's going to happen in my head for a while and the truth is that I can't even begin to imagine how this is going to play out... all I know is that I'm more than ready to get this over with once and for all.

I know this whole mess is my fault. There's no denying that if only I had told Janet and Daniel to tell the general the truth two weeks ago this whole second act could have been avoided but at the time I wasn't ready for him to know about it... in fact even now I'd feel much better without him --and the colonel-- knowing. Of course that is no longer an option.

Well, the good news, if you can call it that, is that the colonel looks about as comfortable as I feel right now and that means chances are neither one of us is going to be particularly eager to have this encounter last any longer than it absolutely has to.

"So," he says, rather hesitantly.

"So," I reply, not really knowing what to say either.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," I say, taking a calculated risk by not adding the 'sir', knowing that keeping this the least military I can may well be my best bet.

"Was Daniel here?" he asks and I have to fight to keep the smile off my face at that. If he had been trying to give Daniel plenty of time to give me a heads up that means chances are he is not **_too_** mad... if he were he would have come charging in here and demanding an explanation a long time ago.

"Yes."

"Good."

"Good, sir?"

"Well, that means you already know why I'm here so that kind of saves me an explanation, doesn't it?"

"I guess," I admit, not sure of whether or not I'm relieved by that fact, though at least now I know how to approach this... or was that how to avoid this?

"So?" he prods.

"I don't know what you want me to say, sir."

"How about the truth?"

"The truth?"

"You know, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth... maybe with an emphasis on the **_whole_** truth."

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Yes, well, sorry doesn't solve the problem of just what the heck are we supposed to do about this mess, does it?" he mutters.

"Sir?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's complicated."

"I know that much, still..."

"I had no idea of how to bring it up," I say, though admitting even that much goes against my every instinct. I don't want to have this conversation, that hasn't changed, but I know that if we are ever going to get past this I have no choice but to come clean... if nothing else I know that there's no way the general is going to let us go back out there unless we can figure out a way to work this out **_somehow_**.

"Okay, I guess I can understand that but..."

"But what?"

"I don't know!" he exclaims. "On the one hand I can understand why you wouldn't want to talk about it, on the other you should have told us... you should have told me!"

"Yes, well, sir, with all due respect I couldn't both tell you and not tell you," I point out.

"I know but you shouldn't have had to deal with this on your own!"

"So what? I should just have spread the misery? There wasn't anything anyone could do... all I could possibly have accomplished by telling you would have been to make you feel awkward and **_that_** seemed rather pointless."

"Okay, I didn't think I was going to have to go over this with you but what part of 'we are **_supposed_** to be a team' don't you understand?" he growls.

"It wasn't about teamwork, sir," I point out.

"Did I say teamwork? No, I said we are a **_team_** and one of the key things a team needs in order to function is trust. You know that!"

"There was no point in telling you, sir, and the truth is that I just wanted to put it all behind me."

"And did it work?" he asks, almost mockingly.

"No," I admit, rather reluctantly.

"It never does," he says. "Do you have any idea of how many things I've wanted to 'just put behind me'? Let me tell you something, Carter: it doesn't work."

"Sir?"

"I may have no clue as to what it is that you've been going through these past few months but that doesn't mean I'm a stranger to wanting to forget. You want to know what I've learned? I've learned that the only thing burying your head in the sand will get you is a painful bite in the butt when you can least afford it. You deal with stuff and then you move on, that's the way it's done. You don't turn your back on your problems any more than you turn your back on an enemy, Carter. That's common sense!"

Okay, so maybe the colonel does have a point about that... or he would if he were actually right. Yes, trying to pretend nothing had happened would have been a rather dumb move but I never did that, not really. Ever since I came back from Simarka I've been trying to come to terms with 'The Incident'', I just never told **_him_** about it. I don't regret that decision, not really. Back then I wouldn't have been able to cope with his reaction and I know it. In other words, the colonel is actually confusing --or rather equating-- two separate problems here. He is basically assuming that the fact that I didn't tell him about it means I was in denial and that was never the case. Unfortunately that knowledge doesn't make dealing with the fallout from having kept this a secret from him any easier... especially because I am all too aware that there's no way I can't explain the difference without having this encounter turn into a confrontation and **_that_** is something I definitely want to avoid.


	7. Chapter 7: Vying for Possession

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 7: Vying for Possession  
(Jack's POV)

I'm still wondering what the heck am I supposed to do to reach Carter here. I guess I can understand why she didn't say anything and why she is still so reluctant to talk about any of this but at the same time I freely admit that I am more than a little tired of this whole situation. I just want to have all this **_shit_** out in the open so that we can deal with it once and for all because the truth is that right now I feel like whenever we start making some progress we just get dumped on again and **_that_** is frustrating the hell out of me. I want my team back together the way it used to be... or rather the way I thought it was. That is the part I can't quite wrap my head around, the fact that it was all a lie.

Carter's been keeping secrets almost from the beginning and that is something I'm still having a hard time trying to come to terms with... in fact, if it had been up to her, she would **_still_** be keeping those secrets and that bothers me. She never intended for us to find out about any of this, she never **_chose_** to trust us, and that's the most disturbing part... okay, so maybe not the **_most_** disturbing one, there seems to be quite a bit of competition for that particular 'honor'.

I guess the question now is how do we move forward, how do we rebuild the trust... or build it in the first place.

One thing I know for sure is that SG-1 is the finest command I've ever had, even if our merry little gang of snake-killers is more than a little odd. My team is half civilian, for crying out loud, and --as if that weren't enough-- half of it is made of geeks and scientists. Heck, the one I have the most in common with in terms of background is literally an alien and yet somehow it all works out... except when it doesn't.

The bottom line is that I trust my team to watch my six and I **_thought _**they trusted me to do the same. I guess that's why this whole mess has hit me so hard... that and the fact that --no matter what they say-- this happened on my watch. When Carter said that maybe we should turn back while we were ahead I should have trusted her gut rather than allow myself to be led by Daniel's curiosity... especially because I already knew how likely he was to turn his back on a threat because something else had caught his eye. Daniel is not military and there are certain things I can't honestly expect him to understand but I have been doing this long enough to know that gambling with my team's safety --especially when there is a choice-- is **_never_** the thing to do... or at least that is something I **_should_** have learned a long time ago.

Of course, the problem is that while I have no choice but to file this whole mess under 'lessons learned' and try to move on, it is not quite that simple. Right now my most pressing concern is to figure out a way for us to deal with the fallout from this one... or rather to figure out a way to help **_Carter_** deal with it. I understand why she just wants to forget, in fact that is something I can certainly relate to. Unfortunately the fact that I can relate to her desire to forget also means that I am all too aware of just how well that approach **_doesn't_** work.

The bottom line is that in this whole mess Carter got a really raw deal. She went through hell, then she had no choice but to conceal what had happened to her --or so she thought-- and even now there's no real way for her to get the support she needs and that bothers me. I know Daniel and Janet are doing their best to help her but while I have a lot of faith in both of them, sometimes I wonder if their best is going to be enough this time around... especially after what I read in the general's office.

**_That_** is something I suspect will be feeding my nightmares for a very long time to come and if I have a problem with it I don't even want to try to imagine what Carter has been going through these past few months. As far as I was concerned what I had been told before today had been bad enough but obviously it had only scratched the surface... and that brings me back to what still amounts to a pretty long list of unanswered questions that are likely to remain just that.

The fact is that while I'm aware that what I know about what happened on Simarka is vague at best and that is a problem, it is not a problem I can ever hope to overcome. In fact there's no way I can come even close. There's no way I can ask for any kind of details and I know it, but at the same time without those details I won't know what I'm up against and --whether I like it or not-- that gap is likely to remain a threat, something that can come back to haunt us with no warning whatsoever, for a very long time. Unfortunately there is virtually nothing I can do to change that so I'm just going to have to deal. I need to know that Carter is going to be okay and --even though I haven't seen anything to suggest that she **_won't_**-- I'm still not sure of just what it would take to convince **_me_** of that fact.

I know that is my problem --not hers-- but, as I told Carter a couple of minutes ago, we are supposed to be a team, so I guess that --in a twisted kind of way-- that makes it **_our_** problem.


	8. Chapter 8: Of Truth, Lies and the Gray

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 8: Of Truths, Lies, and the Gray Spaces in Between  
(Jack's POV)

Okay, at least now I know what my real problem is... and I know that my problem is not necessarily the same as **_Carter's_** problem. Of course that doesn't bring me any closer to a solution, not really, it just tells me that I need a different approach... and that is probably a good thing considering how defensive Carter is acting. Getting angry or frustrated here will get me exactly nowhere and I know it. Besides, the bottom line is that the one I'm really mad at is Turghan and **_that_** is something I **_really_** can't blame on Carter.

"It's not like that," she says.

"It's not?" I ask, not quite believing my ears.

"No, sir."

"Then how is it?"

"It's not that I've been pretending nothing ever happened, it's just that I never told you about it. Those are two separate concepts that are totally unrelated to one another. I agree that perhaps the way in which I have approached this whole situation has not been the most effective one but..."

"Effective? This is not a damned physics problem, Carter. Denial isn't just pretending nothing happened --I know you are too smart to do something so damned stupid-- it is also pretending that there are no consequences, that it doesn't matter, and **_that's_** what you are doing here!" I all but yell at her... so much for not getting mad.

"Sir?"

"You can't just explain this away. There's a difference between knowing and understanding. You **_know_** what happened to you, you know what that bastard did, but I'm not so sure you understand it."

"With all due respect, sir, that's not true. I've been trying to understand ever since we came back from Simarka, I've been trying to make some sort of sense out of..."

"Okay, my mistake. Maybe it's not the understanding part that's giving you a hard time but rather the coming to terms part. From what you are telling me, all your efforts have been geared **_specifically_** toward **_not_** dealing with the emotional fallout. You understand so that you don't have to feel, you understand to be able to explain things away and that's not how it works. I read the guidelines, Carter, and you want to know what I **_didn't_** find there? You."

"Sir?"

"There were a lot of facts but that was it."

"Because those guidelines **_aren't_** about me," she reminds me. "Those guidelines **_are_** about the facts! They are intended to provide others with the information they might need to **_avoid_** a situation like the one we encountered in Simarka, to keep them from having to go through what I went through!"

"Yes, well, maybe a little common sense would go a long way in that regard," I grumble.

"Common sense, sir?"

"Yes, the kind that dictates that avoiding a threat you don't really have to confront is a good idea, that kind of common sense. If we had come back as soon as we became aware of what the Shavadai's attitudes toward women were, none of this would have happened. There was no reason for us to stay there after that and I knew it!"

"Wait, are you saying that you think this is your fault somehow?" she asks, sounding more than a little disbelieving.

"Well, I happened to be the one in charge, remember?" I growl and I'm taken more than a little aback when Carter just bursts out laughing.

"What?" I ask, kind of wishing someone would let me in on the joke here.

"Sorry, sir," she says, even as she tries to get herself back under control.

"I didn't ask you to apologize, I asked you what's so damned funny."

"Nothing, sir."

"Carter..."

"It's just that you think it was **_your_** fault because you were the one in charge, Daniel thinks it was **_his_** fault because he is supposed to be the first contact specialist and he's the one who let his curiosity get the best of him and **_I_** spent months blaming myself because the bottom line was that if I had just sat back and waited for you to come get me instead of challenging Turghan every chance I got none of this would have happened."

"Wait, you thought this was your fault?" I ask, not quite believing my ears.

"Well, not exactly my fault but I'm not going to even try to deny the fact that I could definitely have handled things a lot better," she explains... or tries to.

"I can't believe this, you are blaming yourself!"

"No, I'm not. You want to know who I blame? Turghan. As far as I'm concerned **_he's_** the one responsible, not you, not me and not Daniel. Sure, we could all have handled things differently, better, but at the time we did the best we could... and in a way we got really lucky."

"You call this 'lucky'?"

"Yes, sir, we got a warning. What happened was bad but it could have been a lot worse. We know that now and we know what to look out for in the future. I don't know about you but as far as I'm concerned enduring A to avoid having to go through B is something that qualifies as being lucky."

"Never took you for a silver lining kind of person, Carter," I say, not really wanting to contradict her but not quite buying her act either, because deep down I know that's just what this is: an act.

"I'm not, not really, but as I told Janet almost from the start, as far as I'm concerned Simarka was a lesson in perspective. I know that may be hard for you to understand, sir, but..."

"Oh, I understand, I'm just not buying it."

"Sir?"

"Yes, it could have been worse, a lot worse, but that doesn't make what happened any more acceptable, Carter. You should know that!"

"I don't know what you want me to tell you."

"Nothing. I don't want you to tell **_me_** anything, that's exactly the point. I just want you to tell **_you_** the truth," I all but growl at her, on the verge of losing my patience, again.

"I'm not lying to myself."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"I'm not buying it."

"Well, sir, with all due respect, I don't know what I can do about that."

"Oh, I believe you **_think_** you are being honest with yourself but..."

"But what? But the fact that I'm not kicking and screaming, the fact that I've managed to keep on doing my job for eight months with no problems whatsoever must mean that there's something wrong?" asks Carter, looking increasingly frustrated, not that I blame her. I mean, when she phrases it like that it **_does_** sound kind of dumb... the problem is that the fact that it sounds dumb doesn't necessarily mean I'm mistaken about this and as far as I'm concerned she is a little too defensive for me to be completely wrong about that.

"Actually I'm more worried by the fact that you **_haven't_** done any kicking and screaming," I say, not willing to fall for her trap. I know those are probably the wrong words to say but I'm not Daniel and I don't do subtle. Besides, even though I'm no astrophysicist, I do know that things have a tendency to blow up when the pressure keeps building and doesn't have an escape valve.

* * *

**_Author's notes_**: Hi guys, I hope you are still reading this. I just wanted to let you know, in case you are interested, that I'm also posting another fic called '_Shards_' in the **Battlestar Galactica (2003)** category. It is my first attempt in that particular fandom and the story id is: 2811630. I hope you'll like it if you decide to give it a try (as always reviews are deeply appreciated),

Alec


	9. Chapter 9: Back Where We Started

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 9: Back Where We Started  
(Sam's POV)

Okay, I have to admit that I am this close to obliging here. I mean, if the colonel wants to see me kicking and screaming I'll give him kicking and screaming. It's been two weeks since Daniel cornered me, two weeks since they **_all_** found out what happened on Simarka and the fact is that I **_still_** haven't been able to get them to understand that I'm fine.

Sure, Daniel has come a long way and I **_think_** Janet is beginning to realize that I'm not going to fall apart but the colonel and the general are both still walking on eggshells around me and that is really starting to get on my nerves... okay, maybe **_starting_** is not the right word here. The problem is that I don't know what to do to get my point across. I mean, if I snap at them they are bound to see that as **_evidence_** that I'm not dealing well with what Turghan did to me and if I **_don't_** snap at them then they assume I am in denial and refusing to deal with what happened on Simarka. In other words, no matter what I do I just can't win here. The possibility that I may actually be fine and that **_they_** are the ones with a problem has apparently never crossed either of their minds... especially the colonel's. Deciding that there's no point in beating around the bush I come out and say:

"So you are worried because I'm not reacting like you think I should?" I ask, trying to keep things polite.

"More like not reacting at all," he grumbles and I have to fight to keep myself from rolling my eyes at him.

"Well, sir, with all due respect, I don't know what to say... especially because if I were to kick and scream --as you apparently think I should-- you would almost certainly see **_that_** as proof that I'm unable to handle the situation and that is just **_not_** the case."

"Look, Carter, I know I can't really understand what you've been going through these past few months but..."

"But if you admit that you can't understand it, then how can you be so sure you know how I should be reacting?" I ask, hoping to turn the colonel's words against him.

"I don't know... I'm just assuming you should be reacting **_somehow_**!" he exclaims.

"No, you are assuming I should be reacting by kicking and screaming," I point out.

"Maybe, but come on, Carter, what else am I supposed to think here?"

"I understand what you are saying, sir, I really do. It's just that I'm more than a little tired of having to prove I'm not going to have a breakdown... especially because proving a negative is absolutely impossible."

"Yes, well, I'd have an easier time believing you if you were to stop trying to explain everything away in scientific terms."

"Sir?"

"What you said about 'proving a negative'... I just wish you would take the scientific mumbo-jumbo out of your explanations."

"Sorry, sir."

"I don't want you to keep apologizing, Carter!"

"It's just that I'm not doing it on purpose, sir... in fact, for the most part, I don't even realize I'm doing it at all. That's the point. I am a scientist, I can't change that, and I can no more forget about the 'scientific mumbo-jumbo' --as you so eloquently put it-- than you can forget about your military training."

"It's not the same," he argues.

"Why not?" I ask.

"Because..." he trails off.

"Because...?" I push, hoping to get him to understand. I know he is my CO and that means I have to tread carefully here, but at the same time I also **_have_** to get my point across one way or the other. We just can't keep having this same argument time and time again.

"Well, that's different!"

"How?"

"Because you are military too."

"So you turn off your military mindset when you are dealing with Daniel?" I ask, already knowing the answer to that question.

"No," admits the colonel, almost pouting.

"And are you more comfortable when he takes a scientific, rational approach to issues because you know he's not military?"

"Well, no, but..."

"The point is, sir, that even though --as you said-- I am military, I am also a scientist. I know you think that's almost a dirty word but the bottom line is that it is how I see the world. It is **_not_** something I can't turn off at will any more than you can stop analyzing the world from a military perspective. I understand that's the reason why, even when we go out on team night, the first thing you do whenever you enter a restaurant is locate all possible exits and assess all possible threats. I know you don't do it so much because you are worried we are going to be attacked but rather because it is something that is deeply ingrained. My analyzing things from a scientific perspective is the same. It is not something I can turn on and off, nor is it something I use to avoid dealing with things, though I can understand why it would seem that way to you. For me it's just the way I think and it is perfectly natural... even if you do find it odd at times."

"So now you are rationalizing your rationalizations?" he asks and it takes all of my self control to keep myself from slamming my head against the wall in despair here.

"No, sir. It's not a rationalization, it is a fact. There's a difference. It's part of me and I can't stop being me. My 'rationalizations' don't keep me from dealing with the world, they just help me make sense of what's going on around me and without them I wouldn't be 'dealing better with things', I'd merely be denying myself the tools I need to face those same things. If you'd been in my place, how would you have handled the situation?"

"I don't know, I already told you that!"

"Well, could you at least tell me what I'd have to do to get you to believe me when I say I'm fine?" I ask, trying hard to keep a lid on my temper, knowing that losing it now would be the worst thing I could do.

"I don't know, maybe it would be easier if I weren't feeling like you are still keeping secrets, like I have to be on my guard because I don't know what else I don't know. You want me to trust you but you've made it pretty clear that you don't trust **_me_**."

"Why? Because I didn't come clean when we first came back from Simarka or because when we talked two weeks ago I **_didn't_** fill you in on every little detail?"

"I don't want you to fill me in on every little detail, Carter, but the bottom line is that the parts you so conveniently forgot to mention can't be dismissed as mere 'details'," he reminds me.

"Maybe, but the fact is that I can't change the past. If what you need in order to trust me is for me to have told you about any of this sooner than I did then there's nothing I can do about it because what you are asking for is impossible."

"Fine, but I need to know that there are no more secrets. if you are still hiding something this is your chance to come clean, Carter. Is there something else?"

"No, sir. You know about everything that happened on Simarka," I say, hoping it will be enough. The facts are what he has a right to know, and that is all I'm willing to share here. I just hope he'll understand that even in the Air Force there are certain things that **_are_** personal.

He looks at me and I realize that he is aware of the loophole I've left myself, I swallow hard, wondering if he is about to call me on it but after hesitating for a moment he says, "fair enough, as long as you **_don't_** shut us out. We are your team and if you need help you come to **_us_**, is that clear?"

"Yes, sir," I say, relieved by the fact that this conversation is behind me... that just leaves telling Teal'c and **_that_** is something I **_still_** don't have a clue as to how on earth am I supposed to tackle.

* * *

**_Author's notes_**: Hi guys, first of all, sorry about the delay, what happened was that I was a little reluctant to post a final chapter on a major holiday so I decided to postpone it a few days. As for the next story, I'll probably start posting it on April 28 (rather than on the 21) so that I can have a bit of a head start. Thanks for reading and as usual reviews are deeply appreciated!

Alec


End file.
